Happy New Year bitches!

My Interview with http://www.fixemagazine.com

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Focus and Boundries

 Even in the sex-positive community “boundary” remains a loaded word for many people. Most learn to define the word grudgingly after bad experiences have brought the concept to their attention in unpleasant ways. The challenge lies in the extremely subjective and personal nature of what a boundary is. Activities which turn one person on can be a complete turn off for other folks. Navigating these preferences successfully without communication is nearly impossible, yet everyone would prefer not to have to define their desire in this way. Many people are much more comfortable with non-verbal communication, and will try to convey their likes and dislikes through sounds, posture, stillness or gestures. People search and search until they find someone who seems to be able to anticipate their likes and dislikes without having the dreaded awkward conversation about boundaries. It’s all to protect themselves from the sometimes uncomfortable revelation of defining their desires and dislikes.
 The BDSM and polyamorous communities have pioneered much better methods for having these conversations, including detailed questionnaires and interesting lists of possible activities which create a framework from which one can have rather juicy conversations. However the power dynamic in a relationship remains a major obfuscating factor. The extenuating conditions of dominance and submission, love and infatuation, needfulness and longing make it hard even to know one’s own boundaries. Furthermore, communicating boundaries under such circumstances is quite tricky. There is always the tendency to please those whom have power over you, often with the shadow expression of resistance following close behind. In a very real sense, pure communication unclouded by these issues is only possible between equals.
 Let us consider the concept of boundaries in another context and see if it clarifies things. In visual art boundaries are an concept that has been completely explored, even turned upside down by modern art. Yet what defines great art has remained the same for millennia. Beauty. Anyone can see that the boundary of a painting is it’s frame, yet there are also more subtle artistic boundaries expressed in the choice of color, visual perspective and style. In music, the gross boundaries are expressed in the length of the piece, it’s beginning and end. More subtle boundaries are expressed through choice of instruments, dynamic range and style. Every great piece of music or art is defined by it’s boundaries. Each masterpiece is delightful because of what it is, as well as what it isn’t.
 A sexual encounter or a relationship, a BDSM scene or magickal ritual bear the same features. Defining a focus is the easiest way to create the effects you want to enjoy. By defining your desired outcome ahead of time, literally and physically separated from the complicating interpersonal factors of power, desire and need, it is much easier to clarify a focus and design an experience which will fulfill.
 Magickally speaking, the Universe is a river of YES. It is much more effective to express focus in terms of what you DO want, as opposed to what you don’t want. Often, magick which is focused on NOT wanting something has the opposite effect, as the universe tends to send us where we are looking regardless of what we say. Creating a positive focus creates positive results. The magick of decrease is a powerful paradigm for effecting reductive change, but again goals must be stated positively to have the best effect. For instance “I am cutting cords with X” is much more effective than “I don’t want to be in love with X anymore.”   However things get more complicated when dealing with other human beings as opposed to pure energy. It is extremely valuable to be able to state clearly what you don’t want in the moment. Many people know they don’t want to do something, but feel nervous about communicating that on the spot. Practice really does make perfect here, practice stating your boundary out loud. Be comfortable saying “no, thanks” or even “Stop!” and “Don’t touch me”. It’s always ok to put the brakes on if you are feeling uncomfortable. Your discomfort is your early warning system to avoid bad experiences. Trust your instincts, and don’t be shy about speaking up. Practice really helps especially if you tend to feel submissive, or shy when you have to say something you think someone might not like.
 Boundaries in music, art and magick make for a better experience. The same is true of vanilla sexual encounters. By adhering to boundaries which limit the possible activities it is possible to gain focus and experience a range of physical and emotional sensations well beyond the normal scope accessible through your garden variety man-on-top-fucking-till-orgasm paradigm. Flirting, teasing, extended foreplay, greater emotional receptivity and better orgasms await those who practice a little self denial. The tantrists take very deep by creating extended ceremonies of sensuality, and even intercourse in which the goal of orgasm is completely set aside in favor of savoring the subtle energies which build up during worshipful union.  Celebrate your desires, your boundaries, your self. Make a commitment to sharing your being only the the ways you feel completely happy with. With the huge variety of people and preferences on this planet, there is no need to feel bad about being selfish, especially when it comes to your body, time and energy. Know thyself, speak thy mind, reap satisfaction!
Blessings!
~ Ms SM Dec 5 2011

S(ensual)/M(agick) Fucking with Purpose

Sensuality and Ceremony have a long and wonderful history of being used together to achieve tangible effects. From ancient fertility rites to the Tibetan practices of "self cultivation", from the Tantrists of India to the western sex magick tradition. All of these varied cultures developed practices to harness the power of pleasure through ceremony for the purpose of creating change in reality. The states of mind attained through stimulation and orgasm are ideal for magick, manifestation and the ephemeral union with the Divine. Indeed, even the uninitiated achieve a kind of God Consciousness during their orgasmic release.
Those of us in the SM community know that it isn't just pleasure which raises energy. Any intense emotional or physical sensation can be focused with ritual intent. The shaman beats on his drum, why not apply that hypnotic effect directly to the bare bottom of the seeker? Flogging, bondage, sensory deprivation and blood play have ancient associations to mystical initiations. The very differentness of this act for most people creates a unique kind of brain change which heightens the senses and raises energy.
Beyond the physical energies of the body are the more subtle energy patterns of emotions. This frequency of the spectrum has powerful use as well. Most of us can sense when we are around an angry, ecstatic or miserable person. Passion, Intensity, Clarity, Longing, Yielding, in ceremony these emotional states lend their strength to whatever goal is being attempted.
Rather than use this small space to give inadequate explanation of the vast and varied forms of sex magic throughout history, I will instead offer you a condensation of the most common elements used in the various rituals and ceremonies I have studied.
We can use sex magick to:
Connect with the Divine
Attract the partners you want
Enhance health or healing
Explore pleasure beyond the normal orgasm
Affect change upon reality (ie - manifestation, magick)
Find inspiration
Explore higher states of consciousness
Attract or sustain a non-physical helper
The ingredients in sex magick can include:
Sexual Stimulation
(alone, or with a partner or group)
Intense Sensation
Ordeal
Orgasm
Ritual or Ceremony
Chanting, Singing or Intoning
Invocation or Worship of various deities, spirits or demons
Breathing techniques
Breaking Taboos
Bathing or Anointing the body
Sigils and Symbols
Nearly any personal or professional endeavor can be improved with clearer goals and focused energy. Sex magick can enhance both of those aspects, while harnessing an ephemeral third energy of providence, chance or luck. The idea is to magnetize the reality of your choice, and then merge with that possibility. Before beginning, take the time to clear your mind and clarify your purpose. You must have a clear visualization of the outcome that you desire or it won't work. Some people prefer to work with a sigil, which is an abstract representation of the goal. A sigil must be charged to properly transfer the energy into the goal. Now that you have your vision, it's time to up the ante with some pleasure-filled "raising of energy" and my personal favorite "releasing energy towards a specific goal". By using these techniques your sex or masturbation can be used to direct your subtle energy towards fulfilling your other life goals.
The Procedure for a basic Sex Magick spell is:
1. Clarify your purpose
2. Choose an image which represents your desired outcome, or charge an abstract design to represent your desired outcome.
3. Raise emotional energy through ceremony, invocation, ordeal or visualization until you are fully charged.
4. Raise physical energy throughout the entire body using varied sensations
(anointing, bathing, worship)
5. Focus on the image as the energy increases through various sensations of pleasure or pain until a peak is achieved.
6. Release and direct the energy into the image or representation of your goal.
7. Release your goal, surrender to fate
You can get creative with this formula. Add in the elements which really get your juices flowing. Connect unabashedly with the Deities which attract you. It is not a sin to copulate with the Gods and Goddesses, in most cases they accept the energy as worship. The energy which is released from a human body during orgasm is incredibly powerful. Many are the non-physical beings which will come to feast if allowed.
The tantrists warn the inexperienced to seek a guide when opening themselves up to the powerful energies of the Kundalini Shakti. Many stories exist of people being unable to integrate the powerful new energies and changes inherent in a classic "Kundalini Awakening". It is true that these practices open up a vast amount of energy to be directed at will. Take care to purify your heart often as you proceed, lovingly processing the stored emotions and memories which can be shaken loose by powerful waves of sexual energy. This kind of work tends to purify you, inside and out… Which is never a clean process. So, be patient with yourself as you experience unfamiliar emotions and states, keep your channel to the Divine open and tend yourself and your heart with the utmost of care.
Blessings to thee